Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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