forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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