so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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