When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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