I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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