why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
And the cops told us we were all naked.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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