my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
