i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
