i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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