the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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