maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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