Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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