im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
