maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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