Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize