Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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