Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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