god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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