i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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