It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
