i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
