So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Small penises have feelings too.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
