I wish my penis had an off switch
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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