we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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