i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
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