Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
