Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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