I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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