Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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