your thong is hanging out like whoa
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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