Someone shit on the floor
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
