if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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