Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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