this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
