I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
