We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
