I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
