omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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