We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
