Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
