i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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