I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
