College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
