I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
