What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
