You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
