Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
