good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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