He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
