Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
