Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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