Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
