R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize