Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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