So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
