Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
