hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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