No awkward lesbian experiences without me
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
