i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
