That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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