tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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