I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
