Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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