I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
