I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
