Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
